Fatema came to class today with a few things in her hands-- wallet, phone, a couple of odds and ends. I always walk around with a shoulder bag, and a couple of weeks ago, she had asked me whether it was uncomfortable to carry it around all the time. Today, I remembered that conversation and commented to her, 'you don't like carrying a purse, do you?'
Her answer surprised me. She said she has never carried a purse before because she is afraid of what people-- her in-laws, as well as the people in her neighborhood-- will think of her. If she carries a purse around, they'll say she's acting like a "madam," meaning that she's acting above her station. I asked her why that was so, and at first she just said, we don't really carry purses. Then she thought about it a bit more, and she said maybe its because if you carry a purse, it means that you stay out of the house a lot. It means you have a reason to need personal items when you're not at home. So people can assume other things about such a woman... maybe that's why they make comments about it.
In Fatema's community and social circles, women tend to stay home unless there is a reason to go out. Or, in many cases, their in-laws pressure them to stay home as much as possible. She is Muslim, but this aspect of her life isn't really a consequence of her religion. Hindu and Christian women here have similar restrictions from their families. For example, one of the women I teach, Julie, doesn't tell her in-laws she's taking English classes. Her husband encourages her to attend, but she says it would look bad if the rest of the family knew. It would be another instance of acting above her station.
Bano Apa also joined in the purse conversation, and said that she is the only woman in her area who carries a purse. In addition to her purse, she also wears lipstick and sunglasses, and is unique in her neighborhood for doing these things. She said, when people see me in goggles (they call sunglasses goggles here), they say "There goes Bano Madam." Bano Apa is definitely something of a matriarchal figure and she seems to have a strong standing in her community, so all this is just amusing for her. She doesn't care if people gossip about her a bit. But Fatema, who is 26, shyer and less self-confident, cares very much.