productivity

I have mixed feelings about going back to India for several months next year.  It was pretty hard to be away from home sometimes, and while life was fast paced and interesting, it was also pretty stressful.  But there is one sense in which it was much easier to be in Bombay.  My work was easier to do, and it came naturally.  Here, it is more of a struggle.

I miss the extreme productivity of my two and a half months of fieldwork.  It was day after day of learning new things, interviewing people, taking notes.  And when I got back home, it was necessary to write for a couple of hours, just to make sure that I wouldn't forget the events of the day.  I felt so pressed for time that everything was urgent, and I was constantly productive.

Now I'm back to the unstructured and self-directed part of dissertation work.  Its harder than I remembered.  Its strange, because my existence here in Carrboro is much more comfortable than in Bombay.  There is nothing exhausting about my days.  Living in the clean suburbs of North Carolina, in a quiet apartment complex with a pool, an air-conditioned car and fast internet, is just easier.

But I have no appointments to keep or schedule to follow, unless I set one for myself.  And for me, that is similar to telling myself that I will get to the gym every day.  Its a nice sentiment, and sometimes it works, but on balance, its more of an ideal than a reality.  I wish I was again engaged in collecting my data... that was tangible and unambiguous, and now I am finding it difficult to be creative.  I'm back to staring at my screen for hours and reading tangentially related stuff for inspiration or distraction. 

I'm enjoying it too.  But who knew work would be harder once I had more time and more amenties.